I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize