You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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