there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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