Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
