so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drake has all the answers
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
