he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
