Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
