Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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