She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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