i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
