Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
