her vagina looked like bernie madoff
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
