mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
