the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
