I feel like I'm in dance class right now
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
