from now on my penis is your penis
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
