One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
