...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
