I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
