Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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