do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
