I just pynch a tree in the face
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
