someone owes me an orgasm
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
