well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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