My Higher Power is John Stamos
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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