just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
