I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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