We're facebook friends in real life
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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