I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize