You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
