Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
