cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
