We're like a lot better than the average bears
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
