Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
