and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
