Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
