at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
