I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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