At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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