Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
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Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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