Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
