she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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