I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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