I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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