So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
