I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
