the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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