when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I fill condoms, not promises.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
