He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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