Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
