My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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