I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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