Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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