apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
