I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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