Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
