I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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