I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize