Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
