please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
