you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
