I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im part way to drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
