I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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