Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
3 2 1 whiskey
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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