I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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