Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
