In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
