Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
