I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
