What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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