my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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