You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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