..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
