Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
