Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I could fuck to npr.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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