How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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