it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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